Waking up

I don't much like January. How ever much I bah humbug Christmas, the thrill of the lights and anticipation of some potentially fictitious magic always secretly excites me. Christmas shopping in New York was joyful, one of my favourite memories here weirdly enough. But after Christmas and the excesses of New Year, once the lights have come down and the trees are left out on the sidewalk slowly rotting, things start to look altogether more grey. I had an amazing trip - and I promise to finish writing about it soon - but I came back to New York alone, and there was no one here waiting. The days might be getting longer, but they're also getting colder. With no routine to keep me in check, the last couple of weeks I've been sliding into a very dangerous state of mind. It's not necessarily obvious from the outside, or even to me at first, until I realise that I've been standing at my door for five minutes to make sure there's no one outside my room, so I won't have to see anyone on my dash to the toilet. Or I realise that it's been day's since I left the building, and I'll make any excuse not to have to go out. I know how bad I can get, and how easy it is to be lazy about it. I tried to force myself out, just to get some groceries. Being outside was not a problem, but once I was in the brightly lit store, panic set in. I felt as though everyone was staring at me, that it was somehow obvious that there was something wrong with me, and it got harder and harder to breathe. I left after a few minutes, empty handed. If I was the type to self diagnose, I'd say that maybe this was agoraphobia. I'm coming round to the belief that self-diagnosis is actually an idiotic idea, and perhaps there's nothing actually wrong with me except for laziness and low self esteem. The result of all of this was that since I got back from LA I've been living in my own self contained bubble.

I know well enough that having some kind of routine is enough to improve this state of mind dramatically, so though school was not the most exciting prospect, I knew it would be good for me. The night before classes started, I walked out of my building into the freezing air, and it snowed. It was in fact warmer outside than it has been of late - hovering around minus 6 celcius - and so the weather was almost comfortable. The snow was really beautiful, huge wet flakes falling in slow motion and getting caught in my hair. Snow is another one of those things I secretly love, and wandering through New York as it drifted down was nothing short of magic. Yesterday I was up early for classes, nervous because I was going back with hardly any of my friends, only Kassie who recently returned from California. I was especially worried about doing all my classes without Roshni, who somehow dragged me through everything last semester. My classes look promising, and during a break I walked over over to Central Park for the first time since Dad left. It was beautiful and freezing, still clinging to a light frosting of snow and ice, and the sun shining brilliantly making it just warm enough to wander round. I felt like I was coming out of hibernation, that New York was reminding me that it is still here and still full of beautiful things. Even if I am terrified of not making any new friends, or making bad decisions, the city is still here. I know that life is short, and it is easy for people to be angry at me for wasting time in the city stuck in my room. So I'm going to try to keep busy, to keep healthy, to fight my fears of people and at the very least, I'm going to do my best not to waste any more time. Besides, January's nearly over and and I like February much more.

La La Land

Greetings from California! I'm sat at James' computer while he scratches on the decks next to me - I have the coolest friends! So I'm here alive in once piece, enjoying the most beautiful weather, its gorgeous in LA. My flight out here was expectedly a little crazy, with the Supershittle living up to it's name, and experiencing two solid hours of terbulance out of the six I was in the air was pretty interesting. However, palm trees and sunshine and awesome company have made up for all that . Yesterday Amy, James and I hit up Santa Monica pier, went for a cruise along Mulholland Drive and wandered around Hollywood and Gruman's Chinese Theatre, and today was an all expensises paid trip to Universal Studious. It was fab, even for a cynical grumpy git like me, thought I was particularly disturbed by the War of the World's set they had - 9 million dollars for a set that had 3 minutes of airtime in the film. What could that money had been spent on instead of another not so great Tom Cruise film? Like most of my generation, I'm just not really thinking about that kind of thing. I was more excited by getting to go to Jurrasic Park and seeing my first ever humming bird - which was the highlight of the day for me, everyone else was totally nonplussed, aparently they're everywhere around here. Well, the sun is shining, I'm having an awesome time with my friends and tomorrow James and me are driving 3 hours north to Fresno to see Kassie and Jessica. Tonight I'm going on my first trip to the famed Olive Garden, which I've been persuaded is a sort of ironic family restaurant type thing, should be interesting.

So, there was some serious turbulance on my flight.... luckily this isn't it. War of the Worlds anyone? I found this set really creepy... like being in Lost or something.

I'm actually in LA, hell yeah!

Token cheesey tourist shot.

Amy and James were not amused after I pointed out the 100th palm tree. Seriously, palm trees? I spent most of my life in a country where the only palm trees were fake ones in the Treaty Centre. Nice.

On a beach. In January. Perfect.

Aparently my feet are about the same size as Frank Sinatra's, go figure.

It's my star!

Cheesey tourist shot #2

I was attacked by a T-Rex in 25 degree heat. My idea of a perfect day.

Word is there'll be snow in Oregon, so we'll be covering at least two of the four seasons during this tour. I'm looking forward to our road trip tomorrow (not sure James is relishing the prospect of 3 hours of my singing to radio, but I'm sure he'll come round). Fresno here we come!

Californication

Today, unbelieving of the weather report, I threw on a light jumper and my duffle coat to walk downtown and carry out a few last errands before I fly out to LA early tomorrow morning. I stepped out side into 22 degree heat, and strong winds which just about made my clothing bearable. This is definitely the most full on global warming that I've encountered, having just purchased a pair of snow boots in preparation for the winter storms that supposedly will be turning up soon... doesn't look much like I'll be needing them. I walked down 1st Ave and dropped off the movie I rented from Blockbuster last night - Zack Braffs latest effort 'The Last Kiss'. It was ok, fairly entertaining stuff about the trials of hitting you're thirties (thank goodness that's still 10 years away...ok 8 and a half) but certainly wasn't as powerful as Garden State.

I turned onto 2nd at 17th and headed into the East Village which was embrassing the sudden warm spell. The streets were packed with people in shorts, t-shirts and flipflops (obviously the more weather savvy had been keeping these handy just in case) as well as those who were less prepared and starting to look uncomfortably warm. Cafes and restaurants spilled into the streets, and it all started to feel a bit European - except for, as always in New York it was something close yet totally different. After a partially self inflicted week of hiding in my room, I began to wonder what it was about being out and about that bothered me so much - it certainly isn't crowds. I also realised very acutely just how much I am in love with New York, even being here on my own, and how impossible it will be to leave. At Houston I turned onto Bowery, noting exactly where Delancy is (couldn't locate it for love nor money on the way to the Patti Smith gig with Dad...I'm never going to get lost round there again...) and into the thronging masses of Chinatown. It always seems to be insanely busy around there, and today was no exception - all the winter tourist who had perhaps hoping for snow in New York seemed to go at little crazy at the sudden early summer. On to Canal, passed Mulberry, where you can look down from the thick of Chinatown into the stretch of Little Italy that it hasn't yet engulfed, where there always seems to be some kind of fair.
At Canal and Broadway I went to pick up some photo albums for the guys out west, in a little market that was almost identical to bits of Camden, and yet somehow not. As the weather was still fantastic, I decided to keep walking downtown on Church Street, and found myself in the thick of the financial district and suddenly at the World Trade Centre site. As always, there were plenty of people, and I wondered how many of them were worrying about terrorism, and how many were more concerned that if global warming keeps going the way it has, this part of New York could be submerged within my life time. I pushed on past the crowds and headed all the way downtown to Battery Park, and watched the sun set by the Statue of Liberty. Not a bad walk, especially as there's a bus that goes from right outside the park to right outside my front door.
Well, my flight leaves in just under 12 hours, so I'll be in California (singing that bloody Phantom Planet song the whole way there) in no time at all. The plan is to meet James, Amy and Jessica in LA, visit Kassie in Fresno, stay at Jessica's in Lodi and visit San Francisco and the coast, and then catch a train up to Oregon to see Stacey and Kirsten in Portland. For your viewing pleasure, here is an artistic impression of that journey, made on the hightech program that is Paint. Note my stop over in Chicago... that better not be a nightmare, I have a fear of connecting flights after being stranded in Moscow airport at 5am only to find I had to get myself and all my luggage from the international terminal to the domestic one, 7 miles away. Good times.

The west coast is so much easier to understand given that it's mostly California. I'll be damned if I can name all the states on the east coast. I once asked why the states were so highly concentrated on the east coast, and after being looked at like a moron, it was pointed out to me that this was where the settlers landed orgininally, and then spread west. Like I'd realise something like that...
All that's left now is to pack my shiny new electric toothbrush (ok maybe my whole suitcase, but I've got plenty of time) and watch a few episodes of the Mighty Boosh (comic genius) before the Supershittle (yes it's the shuttle, but we named it that due to its impressive unreliability) collects me at 2:30 am. I'll be back in 10 days, with lots of pikchars and such for you. TTFN

New Year in New York

Ah, NYE in NYC. I had imagined a pleasant evening for myself watching the fireworks from Brooklyn Bridge or even Central Park. But no, somehow I found myself - considerably the worse for wear - dragged through the thronging masses somewhere outside Times Square. At approximately 11:50 I had a fit of claustrophobia and attempted to shove my way back out of the crowds, and was stuck somewhere by a subway station at midnight. I did get myself back, as I always do in my drunken homing pigeon fashion. I suppose it's not all that suprising given than New Year's Eve marks the forth anniversary of my first drinking disaster at the tender age of 17, when I made friends with a bottle of tequilla and my boyfriend's toilet. Though I've managed at least a reasonable level of sobriety on following December 31sts, I was about due for another embarassing event, maybe to remind me of the evils of alcohol. On which note perhaps a few new year's resolutions are in order. I'm going to make an effort to give my liver an easier year... Boat Club certainly gave it a beating last winter. Lots more travelling too, I'll be on the West Coast in a week, and maybe Alaska in 5 months. I'm also going to try and improve my levels of correspondence - I have so many fantastic friends all over the world (and notably very few here just now) and I've been rubbish at keeping in touch with them all, so expect a phone call - or at least an email, I'm allergic to phones - very soon. Perhaps a protracted effort to stay single might not be a bad idea given how much I'm going to be moving about, and my less than spectacular track record. Other than that? The usual, get off my arse more, eat better, read more - and definitely get to grips with the city a bit better. Anyway, here's hoping everyone had a good new year's (or at least better than mine) and that this year will be at the very least as interesting as the last one.